Call It What You Want

Call It What You Want

Everyone keeps asking me, “What is your yoga called?” Honestly, I didn’t leave Anusara to create my own style. It’s not my desire, but sometimes things can’t be avoided, no matter what you truly want. At a party in Tucson, a friend said to me, “Call it what you want,” in reference to Miles Davis’ famous 1970 set at the Isle of Wight concert (which, ironically, happened to be on my birthday, August 29th). At this concert, Davis and his band played a set of totally new sounds,¬ an electric jazz/rock fusion. About 25 minutes into the set, Davis leaned over to the mic and said, “Call it anything.” (watch the video on youtube) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfHDQ1GffRQ&eurl=http://surrealdocuments.blogspot.com/2007/08/miles-davis-isle-of-wight-1970.html

I have always been someone who seeks out identity. To what lineage do I belong? As I began my search, I hoped to be connected to the oldest lineages – antiquity definitely seemed more authentic. Maybe that was originally due to my deep interest in Chinese thought, but as my discipline manifested into yoga and Indian arts, I sought the “old stuff,”¬ the things that would say I was directly connected to something thousands of years old. Of course, being the young enthusiast I was, it never dawned on me that, even if the connections were to a lineage from a place far away and a time long ago, the practices we were doing looked nothing like what they did back then. I always had that romantic notion in my mind of finding the Ancient One and being part of the tradition, like a Kwai Chang Caine character from the television show Kung Fu.

I moved away from the old lineages. I saw my practices for what they were: new, or maybe more accurately, evolved, innovative, and refined. It didn’t bother me, but when you see something for what it is, you can make better decisions regarding what it actually does for you. When I found Anusara, it was new, it was exciting, and ironically, I found my romantic version of the Old Ancient in a not-so-ancient American from the Midwest and Texas. I learned more from John than from any hatha yoga teacher I ever met, and I learned more than just hatha yoga. But as time went on and Anusara grew, I had trouble maintaining my identity with it. Maybe I was growing so much (and had grown so much), that I could now form my own notions of how I identify life. What is life if you don’t make connections, but does what you name yourself limit you?

I think you have to make an identity out of yourself, but are you solely marked by the one identity you make? We want to be remembered for our great contribution in life; that is, after all, our immortality. Unfortunately, people come to expect that one gift of you and end up fixing you (limiting you) as a person to just that one dimension. There is no space for exceptions. The problem is that there are always exceptions. Why can’t we have multiple dimensions without that being a problem, even if some seem to counter each other? I want people to make identities ¬to name their experiences, develop their ideas, and make their lives expressions of what they are thinking, feeling, acting, and so on. I want them to learn to call it what they want, not what someone else wants them to call it. But, most importantly, “it” is not fixed. ¬ “It” is not one thing, but anything. So, call your yoga what you want, because everyday your wants are changing. Everyday, your experiences are not the same and what you call them will be different. I want to teach you my experiences, but I want you to call them yours,¬ with a variety of differing names.

Assets and Liabilities

My teacher likes to say, “Your assets are your liabilities.” I use that line a lot. In fact, my teacher trainings center around that principle - everything has an advantage and a disadvantage. Recently, I was in a situation where for the first time I found myself truly deferring to others and listening to their expertise. I began thinking to myself - why haven’t I been able to do this before?

My strength has always been in doing things. I am fast study. I remember things instantly. What I don’t know, I can quickly figure out on my own. This is my strength. I know more than enough in many fields, and I want to do the job. I want to be the caregiver. I want to take the credit (or be at fault). Simply, when it comes down to it, I am going to do the job, whether that is renovating my house (carpentry, plumbing, electricity, and so forth), designing a website, logo, or other graphics, to teaching, bookkeeping, cooking, laundry (okay I don’t do yard work), I won’t ask for assistance. Owning a number of different businesses over the years, I have always relied on my skills to get the job done. Whether that was due to not enough money to hire someone to do it, or because I didn’t think the job would get done as good unless I did it. Regardless, I ended up burning the wick from both ends, for good or bad. Sometimes it worked, but in my last business it did not. The fact was I needed people, but didn’t know how to defer. My asset became my liability and it hindered me. I couldn’t receive what others had to offer.

As I consider these implications on my life I am reminded of how yoga was and continues to be transmitted. While my heart and teaching falls into a certain lineage, my actions seemed to be mirroring another. Maybe I want to be the guru, but in some regard who doesn’t? Isn’t it tantalizing to have all that respect from so many people all looking to you? Certainly, I can see how easy it would be to get caught up in wanting and having all that power. In the modern yoga era, these guru lineages, where one person is in control and people submit to his or her power is the more common image of yoga. Maybe it is for all the ways it is not our culture - to have the foreign looking, all-knowing sage, whose sole job is to bestow grace in our lives. Who wouldn’t want that, especially in our difficult, over-worked, busy lives?

But the more unknown transmission of yoga was the one that I really found myself getting this week. These other guru traditions are called Kula-Yoga. These traditions don’t look to one seat or person to hold all the authority, but rather authority shifts depending on what’s needed. Everyone is the guru, and everyone has a legitimate say when it is his or her expertise. As I sat around the conference table, I was inspired by the contributions of everyone there. Each person was guru when they spoke. Being able to defer tasks and roles all of a sudden made my whole body and mind lighter. I had created more space to be myself, rather than creating another burden that I have to do. Respecting others only makes people respect me more. Not thinking I had to do or know everything was a relief.

When it comes down to it yoga wants us to learn to truly defer and let other’s greatness be our experiences. To be great means you have to learn to keep the company of greatness. That means you have to be willing to allow other’s a chance to share it.