Day 10 - Tones

I thought the first few days would be the hardest, but I was wrong. My excitement and inspiration propelled me. I figured by the time I got here, to day 10 I thought the doing would have taken over the stalling, but again, I was wrong. I think what I am learning is that while I’ve been on my mat everyday (or nearly), at this point in my life I don’t have the same drive to practice like I once did. But I won’t stop, perhaps if I just keep doing then the passion for it will return, or if not as passion, then at least as routine or habit. I realize all the things I want for myself, whether physical or mental/emotional/spiritual all take work and time. It’s no wonder that “spiritual people” live in ashrams away from the mundane - it’s a full time job to dedicate yourself to the necessary work to become who you want to be.

Getting on my mat is only part of my goals. I realize that it is important for my physical goals, but a discipline diet must follow. This will be my goals starting this weekend. But so many of my other ideals are about me as a person in relationships (with my self, my wife, my children, students, etc). I realize lots of things about me that have contributed to make me successful in what I do, but also need tuning. I was thinking about something a teacher of mine said once when explaining words to me. He said, “words are first experienced as resonance and secondly as meaning.” I didn’t get it at first, just like everything he said to me. But I came to understand - it’s not only what you say that matters, but how you say it. I realize one of my biggest issues is how I say things - my tone.

I have a strong tone, and the same resonance comes out for great joys as well as great anger. I can have all the intention of giving loving, caring advise but the tone feels the same as if I were frustrated or upset. I see that it confuses people, even though I know what I mean. A tone is so interesting. It literally sets the stage. It triggers us viscerally to create an expectation of what’s next. Nothing needs to be intelligible to set the tone. It’s like speaking to the dog. The dog only gets tones not meanings. I want people to get my meanings, but I am afraid my tone gets in the way, or sets them off to hear the wrong meaning of my words. This is a hard for me. All week I’ve been paying attention. What is it? Am I really pissed or frustrated at the world that such a tone brews in me in excess? I’m paying attention, watching it and my goal is to become multi-tonal, rather than monotone. I know my current tone serves a purpose, I just want to create a greater spectrum of tones so I resonate with a richer, warmer array of possibilities. I want to have better range to sing a better world.